a session with chat

should I continue breathing?..of course…it is not the end of the world…My heart says, go on and love whoever you want but my mind says not yet, which is which?..where will I go?..what will I follow?..I am in a breach of giving up..it even came to a point that I am already numb of the feeling..will I have the time to  love someone?..my mind says..of course you have for you are just a young lady..just wait for the right man to come..the big problem?!!..my family thinks otherwise…What is wrong with me?..Can I afford to be lonely for the rest of my life?…nah!!!not my cup of tea…I want to have a family that I can call my own..I just have to work on my studies first..follow my dream and wait for whoever God will give me as my man…I want him to be my world…The only guy that I will love for the rest of my life…Accept wholeheartedly regardless of his flaws as a human being…Maybe, just maybe, before I graduate I will have someone to call sweetnothings…hehehehehehehe!!!!!!…
hhhhmmmmmnnn!!!..I am excited!!!..what will I be with someone special?..I think it can be learned in the process…Thinking about it..afterall, who sets the rules of not having a boyfriend before graduation anyway?..I did and I can always deviate from that rule…;)

Vacation is here..friends are everywhere..good thing that i do not have someone to ask if ever i want to go out..for as long as my parents let me..i would go..no hassles…i am happy to be with my friends..they were fun to be with..last april 30 one of our "katropa" graduated from college..whew!!good for him..well,,,i am indeed happy for him..i hope he will have a good life ahead of him…that was also the time when i got to talk with my "lil bro"..he knows who he is…though it is not that long i hope he considered what i said..i know, he is just going through some kind of adolescent crises…it is but normal…what is not normal, is to let him go through it without proper guidance…and i am here to gide him..i cannot let anything happen to him..he is such a dear friend to me as what i said almost a brother to me…i hope nothing serious happend and everything can be fixed…i am hoping it is not too late for us to guide him…

I am tormented by the fact that I am having this deep admiration..i don’t want to entertain it for so many reasons…my promise and your current situation…a promise that binds me with my current status..i guess keeping a promise is the most difficult thing to do..but i must admit..I do not have regrets in staying single until I graduate in this undergrad school..guess the reason why I made that promise is because I was granted by my parents to have the freedom of having a relationship with the other individual(a guy of course)..in fact I am enjoying myself right now…it is not yet the time I think..afterall you have your own life to walk through..you are happy as far as i know…and i want you to stay that way..one more promise is that i won’t dare to come near you…I am not the kind of person that has the capacity to ruin a relationship..that is for sure…looking you from afar makes me wonder and sometimes it confuses me..will i stick to my promise or what???…Guess what??…I will stick to it..afterall it is a promise to be kept..not for anyone but for myself…it is hard to ignore you i know but it is quite alright cause you do not even care the hell out of me…you do not even know it was you all along…so why bother anyway…I am safe as well as my little secret I guess…hoping…praying…God help me…am I pathetic for admiring you??…hope not…who ever YOU are..i will say your name when the right time comes..not here but in person…